Narcissism Central

I am pissed off today. I'm not going to say I woke up that way, it would be stupid considering I'm never amiable before I've had my first four cups of coffee. However, now I am pissed. And annoyed. And generally disappointed with humanity, or at least the shallow humanity in this country.

What is it that matters so much about weight? I get that to be very large can be a real blow to your health, but beyond that why do we care so much? There seems to be a real hostility blooming (festering?) towards the bigger folk in our society. My SIL once sent me a link to a news program about the cartoon movie out about the samurai panda, whatever the heck it was called. Some pointy-faced, bony, blond, pinch-lipped prude was going on and on about how the movie promotes, for lack of a better word, fatness. Are you freaking kidding me?!? Nobody said a word about violence or language or any of the other things that would actually help me decide whether or not my kids should be allowed to view this movie. It was all about how this evil movie made it sound okay to be fat. First off, prude b*tch, giant pandas are no lightweights. Females usually weigh slightly less than 220 pounds while males can reach 250 pounds. They spend between 10 and 16 hours a day finding food, and they require about 80 pounds of food a day. Guess what else they do? They eat the food they find and they sleep. While people seem to think that pandas are vegetarian because the eat a lot on bamboo, they are actually carnivores, and they are as dangerous as any other bear. What does this mean? It means that if a panda heard the pointy prude calling him fat he would feel free to very capably kill her and eat her for dinner. This would work out well since she's so insubstantial he'd just think she was an excessively wiggly bamboo stalk. And if he didn't think she'd be tasty, and I couldn't fault him for that, he could just sit on her.

Secondly, since when does a string bean who has no medical or dietetic degrees even get off judging what makes someone fat? Dom Deluise was a big star for years, a truly funny guy and very likable. I don't remember ever thinking that since Dom was a big man, and successful, it must be ok for me to aspire to his size. I used to like to listen to Courtney Love and I never decided it was ok for me to try and become a violent, heroin-addicted, self-absorbed singer either. I like Ben and Jerry's but I've never thought it would be ok for me to try and become ice cream. I think it's far more likely that children will decide that they want to be a panda, a samurai or, in my son's case, a water tower because they are the biggest, that they won't even really comprehend the nonexistent issue of fatness. Or if they do they will want their poor, annoyed mommies to Google pandas to see what they are really like, like mine did after one preview. What did mine decide after we had sufficiently educated ourselves on the panda? That they are really cute and that he wants a stuffed one. What does this mean to my overall rant? That the pointy prude is so afraid of getting fat herself that she is willing slam a kids movie on a nationwide news show. What a self-important little prig! I'd be willing to bet that if she has any of her own kids they are well on their way to eating disorders. And too, what the hell is wrong with showing kids that people come in all shapes and sizes, but that their shape or size really has no importance?

Something else that annoys me is when someone famous loses a bunch of weight and is immediately lauded as some sort of hero, no matter if they accomplished it with gastric bypass or whatever. Star Jones Reynolds, for example. I thought she was really pretty on the View when she was heavy. She had a lovely face and I fully admit to paying little to no attention to her figure. She lost a bunch of weight, was photographed extensively and proved a few things to me. She looked lovely when she was bigger, she was never dressed like an insane hooker when she was bigger, and that she has a face that was never, EVER meant to be skinny. She looks like Michael Jackson. There is nothing left of the person that I used to admire on the View. Wynonna, on the other hand is, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful ladies I've ever seen, and I think her weight is part of it. She is lush and rich everywhere, her hair, her face, her body and her voice. Ann Wilson from Heart is also beautiful. Her skinny sidekick? Not so much. Queen Latifah is drop-dead gorgeous and has a glamour unmatched by any of her scrawny contemporaries, if you can call them that as there are few successful actresses with a music career like hers. All these fabulous women just prove to me that we are not all meant to be the same size. Also, are you aware that there is a movement to make Santa skinny? Fat Santa apparently also teaches children that fat is ok. It's a good thing Mother Theresa and Ghandi were skinny or they'd be out on their bottoms as influential folk. They were smart enough to know that starving does wonders for the figure!

Finally, I would like to point out that the vast majority of skinny women I've met in my life were so absorbed in their looks that they had an astonishing lack of character. They weren't especially honest, nor friendly and they seemed more interested in themselves than anything else. I met many who drove themselves into irreversible debt to keep their closets and cosmetic cases stocked and they never seemed to be able to manage a meaningful relationship with another human. They tended towards cattiness and competition and were mostly two-faced. The friends that I've enjoyed who couldn't fit into a size two pair of jeans have mostly been loyal, honest, intelligent people who sport great humor and a willingness to work at friendship.

So what's wrong with being fat? Nothing, unless you're a stupid, skinny, materialistic, jackass with nothing better to do with your time than nitpick a children's movie looking for imagined slights to your anorexic lifestyle.

That is all.