I'm back from the dead, at least temporarily.

So, you may have wondered if I had indeed died, as it was suggested. The answer to that frankly stupid question is obviously no. I didn't die.

I've just been fishing.


Now that we've established that I don't have time for you whiners, I'll catch you up.

I've been fishing.

Also, working and going to class on occasion. I enjoy both of those less than fishing. I've not been doing too much else. I can tell you that I'm tired. Tired of school and tired of having umpteen meetings a day about behavior issues at work. No, jackasses, not my behavior.

Funny.

The behavior of the persons that I'm supposedly in charge of. Whatever. Did I mention that I have been bitten recently? I think that it's a bit more traumatic when the biter is older than you by a few years and outweighs you by, oh say, 35 pounds and can't pronounce your name.

The horrors.

What's more, I have been christened "the mean, evil bitch of the week" at my job, for daring to request help from one of my fellow employees. Literally, I said, "(fellow employee), when you have a second, could you please help (so-and-so)?" in a sweet tone of voice. I was then admonished for being "bossy" and had to have a discussion with the manager of the department.
Granted, the meeting was entirely tongue-in-cheek and I was informed in no uncertain terms that the other employee has "emotional issues" and that there was no way I could avoid her psychotic behavior which, incidentally, just lumps me in with (no shit) every single employee in the building. Also, one of the other gals told me that there are several of us "mean, evil bitches" working there and it was suggested (by yours truly) that we should start a club, hold meetings and pay dues. This plan was unanimously approved.

This makes me co-chair of the Mean, Evil Bitch Club. How cool is that?!?!

So, who wants in? The line forms to the left, have your initial fee of $10 (this pays for coffee and chocolate) ready at membership inception. Our initiation consists of a pledge to remain mean, evil and bitchy and the cerimonial slapping of the Dumbshit of the Week. The choosing of the Dumbshit will be done on the first Monday of the month and we will hold at least one cerimonial slapping, not limited to the Cerimony of New Members. Anyone who fails to pay dues twice in a row without making amends with latte and doughnuts will automatically become the Dumbshit of the Week and will endure at least one slapping. Those eligible for Dumbshit include, people who drive way below the posted speed limit, people who abuse government aid programs (welfare, medicaid, etc.), people who ask stupid questions, people who consistantly point out the obvious, and men. If you will be joining our ranks it is wise to have at least two potential Dumbshits in mind in case you forget to pay. It is also possible to become the Dumbshit by default if there are no potential candidates and either hot flashes or PMS are occuring.

Ok, enough of that. So, now you all know I am alive, well and causing contraversy and trouble as usual. Hope you feel better now.

Ciao. 

It's Alive. No, really.

So, despite the fact that none of you believed that I would survive the weekend, I survived the weekend.

Na na na na boo boo.

So, anyway, it's freakin' hot. Not hott like Paris Hilton has been known to label anything that encourages or enhances her streetwalker image, but actually hot as in the temperature in my domicile is above normal and causing me some bewilderment and discomfort. Of course, if I were asleep as I am supposed to be it wouldn't be an issue.

I had to tap a pregnant friend for some shorts to wear. My legs are now big enough that all the shorts from last year do not fit them. This has done nothing so much as make me feel somewhat manly, as my muscles are pretty evident now. This exercise class has been worth tuition, it's difficult and painful and I am always sore after, sometimes for days. I have very muscular arms as well. Hopefully all these muscles will serve me well as I participate on the run they are having at High Lakes Elementary June 1st at 4pm to raise money for new fitness equipment for the kids. This will be a memorial run for my dad, and I believe the equipment will be dedicated next June. I think it's kinda cool, I hope you do too. Join us, won't you? It'll be sweaty, exhausting and dehydrating I have no doubt. How could you resist?

Anyway, I am falling asleep over my keyboard, big shocker there, I'm sure. I'm off to dreamland and I'm sure my dreams will include no popular culture and no public figures. I hope the same can be said of your dreams.

Nighty-night.

FYI...

If you want to see some cool pics of my dad, click the LifeIsGood link on my blogroll.

Thanks to all my blogging buddies for the support you share, you are all great friends and I appreciate you all!

The update that'll have to hold ya.

Heya kiddos. So, I don't know about y'all, but I'm tired. Tired of just about everything. I've had one of those weeks that has thus far left me disgusted, annoyed, irritated, and generally bitterly pissed off at everything on earth, and some things within the immediate solar system.

For example, I've gotten stuck behind several licensed dip-sh*ts in the last week who have been physically or mentally unable to go less than 15 mph under the posted speed limit. Those jackasses take all the fun out of speeding. It was never someone who was obviously geriatric or driving a hideous P.O.S. car, no of course not, it was always someone in their mid-thirties driving a car manufactured in the last 5 years. They all had nicer cars than I, and therefore either more money or more debt. One of those conditions should cause elation, the other should cause despair. Neither of those states of mind should cause someone to drive slower than old people have sex. It's embarrassing for their age group.

Another one is the newest employee they sent me today that caused more problems than he solved. I have 10-15 disabled adults to run herd on, I don't have time to watch him too. I got the feeling that he was grossly over-qualified. It'd be like my college-educated mother doing something that requires common sense, like daycare or working at McDonald's. It just wouldn't work. Everything we do hinges on one simple premise. Everything must be in numerical order. Guess what he couldn't do? Did I mention that everything is numbered? Every single piece and all it's coordinating pieces are numbered and then they all boast the same tray number. How organized! And yet, beyond him. What a pain.

Add to that, I decided that I didn't want to spend any time at home last night so we wandered around shopping (mostly looking and discussing things we might buy someday) and we went to Target. While I stood there trying on sunglasses (I was looking for just the right pair that said something to the effect of "I'm hungover, how 'bout you?") my kid spotted a very small female child attempting to get a soda out of one of the cold cases with the sliding doors that are near the registers. He shouted out "HEY GIRLIE!!!" at the top of his lungs. I immediately admonished him, citing impoliteness. His father, on the other hand, choked on his laughter and had to hide on the other side of the sunglasses rack. Was it funny? Yes. Did I want him to encourage him to address females in this manner on a regular basis? No. You see my point.

My son also tried having a discussion with his dad about tattoos. My son is four years old. He asked if it hurt and if it bleeds. My hubby answered yes on both counts. My son decided that wasn't enough to deter him and requested a ride to the nearest tattooist. Daddy informed our child that one must be much older to get a tattoo. My son then replied "well, you're an old guy, do you have one?" Payback for the girlie thing, in my opinion.

I have been making a really good effort to remain only marginally sober (by sober I mean not unconscious) this week, as it is a difficult time emotionally. Those of you who know me know why, those of you who don't probably don't want to hear the story, as it's not bucolic in nature. 'Nuff said.

Anyway, I'm gonna wander off as the whiskey-soda mixture I have waiting for me is becoming watered down by the melting ice. Can't have that. I'll probably be back next week sometime.

See ya.

Wow, two posts in one day? It's true, don't fall over!!

So we go to the brother and sis-in-law's place for dinner and it was great fun. Had b-b-qued burgers for dinner followed by some interesting peanut butter ice cream sandwich thingy. It was all pretty darn good. We were all cracking jokes and laughing and having a great time, but we didn't get to ride the little dirtbike as it was experiencing technical difficulties.

I had to settle for a ride on the Harley. Oh the hardship.

IT F*$#ING ROCKED!!!

It was soooo much fun I can't even tell you. It was a short ride and it was somewhat dark but it totally kicked ass. Plus, I got to wear my sis's leather jacket and helmet, which made me feel somewhat cool. Only somewhat because I was also wearing army-green cargo pants, white sweatsocks, and flaming hot-pink suede Airwalks. We should've taken a picture. I'm sure I looked hilarious. If I get one in the future, I'll post it.

In any case, it was a totally fun evening.

On another note, my darling hubby had his cholesterol done and it is apparently quite high. Bummer. He also had a BMI done (body mass index) which stated that he is obese. I found this rather amusing considering that he is about 6' tall and weighs about 220. He's got muscle, he isn't scrawny, and I'm grateful for that. I don't want him to look like he rides a desk all day instead of the physical work he does. I like manly men, dammit, not the pencil-neck weinies that are so popular these days. If he ever showed up with a pink shirt like they love to put guys on TV in I'd puke. I hate pink on men. They might just as well walk with a swish, talk with a lisp and be named Lance. Ew.

In any case, he's not obese so I think there is a serious problem with the test. Or maybe just our society. Regardless, we've managed to pull off many jokes on that since it happened. He groans lowering himself into the Orange Turd and I look at him like he's just lost his mind. He says "it's hard for us obese people" and gives me this drama-queen look of fatigue. I snort and giggle and he seems very satisfied with himself. Still, I think it's alarming that the "metrosexual" is the man of our generation. Well, maybe alarming isn't the right word. Maybe it's more like, disturbing, sick, wrong, f*&ked up, ass-backwards and oh so very Elton. Didn't Elton carry a purse at some point? As my sis's brother would say "it's a messenger bag!!!" but she's still right. It's a purse. A man-purse.

Get the picture?

Alright, fine. Be that way.

So anyway. New post for you picky people. It's gonna have to be a short one as I have no time this weekend.

No tengo tiempo.

Anywho, this week was filled with frustrations and irritations aplenty. Occasionally there would be a bit of fun or relaxation thrown in but for the most part is was annoyance all the way.

Sometimes I make it too damn easy to become peeved.

I'll be working on that.

On another note, went to a Pampered Chef party at my Sis-in-law's place and blew my budget by a good $.75, yes that is seventy-five cents. But, I ordered a good amount of stuff with my dollars and got some things I've been wanting for quite some time, like the big stoneware roasting pan with the lid that you can bake things in too. I can't wait to get it and start baking things for dinner. I also got a set of bamboo spoons that I've been coveting. Got some other stuff, but I'd have to look at the receipt to tell you for sure what they were. My ma came to the party and my good friend as well as other parents I know from daycare.

I gotta say, the food was amazing. There were these lovely little cream-puff things that I managed to avoid for the most part.

There were those pickles wrapped in ham that had been slathered with cream cheese that I have a serious weakness for. A SERIOUS weakness.

And of course, there were all sorts of other delights, my sis is never a schlump when it comes to entertaining and putting flub on all our hips. And of course, since I quit smoking, my hips have a bit more flub than usual.

It was great. Today's schedule? Class, baby shower, dinner with same sis and brother as well. Eek, I'm busy this weekend! But, I may get to ride that silly little dirtbike that is featured in that photo below. But I'm really looking forward to seeing my darling hubby ride it!!

Oh, and I forgot. I now am the proud owner of a fishing pole and a bunch of gear, so we are going fishing tomorrow! I'm so excited!

Ok, enough of all this bonding. I got crap to do.

Lookie!!! I fix!!!

Yeah, yeah, blah, blah.

So, anyway. Whatever. Ug. I give up.

What I'm trying to say is that it was a long and trying day. We had some interesting issues at work today, although if the issues are anything, they're unusual!

Had class, that was fun as usual, but I wasn't really feeling up to it.

Then I came home.

Had to scare up my own dinner (damn that wife of mine) took Corb in for a bath and then did the homework.

How fun.

Played a quick game of mousetrap and then the boy was off to bed.

At this point I've been surfing, returning phone calls, blogging and watching a show about modern weapons.

Boring I know, but I didn't want you bastards to say I wasn't keeping you updated.

So there.